Where does this journey begin?

We believe as children that life and love is like a fairy tale, that prince charming is going to come one day and we live happily ever after. As we grow older our prince charming becomes just a prince and from there we only hope that we can find that "One" person who will truly understand you. It is easy for some people to find this true love, others it takes a life time. We wonder and ponder if he/she will ever come around and will we ever meet them, but what do you do when someone you love continues to break your heart?

My journey in life has taken me many places. I know the difference between a dream and reality, but is it wrong to want a "prince charming'? I know that we won't ride off into the sunset, that everything isn't going to be simple and life has its ups and downs.

I have been married for almost 3 year, but together for 8. In this time we have had many ups and downs, a birth of a child, deaths, weddings, financial difficulties, emotional turmoil  and  much more. I imagine that this is what every marriage is like, that not one marriage is perfect.

Growing up I saw a marriage that was broken, but it worked for them. I think to myself do I want to be like my parent's and be with someone because you are afraid to be alone? No. I won't. I want to wake up in the morning and be thankful for them, love them unconditionally and live like I might not see them tomorrow. I know that I can't ask that from my significant other, but what I do want is to respected and loved.

I know that I am a hard person to love, I make it difficult and keep allot of my emotions bottled inside. I want to please everyone and forget sometimes that I deserve to be happy too. What I do know is that I don't deserve to be lied to, cheated on, and live wondering when he is going to do it again. I know deep down he is not a bad person, but if he truly did love me, he wouldn't have cheated on me.

I don't think that any excuse is a good enough reason to place blame on anyone but himself. It's not alright. Its wrong and what makes it worse is I have forgiven him and yet he continues to stumble down that same path. It's a cycle that never ends, you say I'm sorry, he won't do it again. He didn't mean to hurt me and you will stop, but then maybe a month or so from now he does it again. I know I deserve better yet I stay because I dream and believe him to be my "prince charming" and my "one", but is he really?

Now I sit here pondering if I truly know what "true love" is, that's a tough question I think to ask of anyone. Do any of us really understand love. Is it even something that is meant to be understood? So many questions down a path I have yet to explore. I wonder where this journey is going to take me and will I ever find happiness that I dream of.